If you’ve known me–however tangentially–for longer than 5 minutes, then you know that I’m a movie buff. I’ve been “collecting” movies since the first VHS copies became available for retail purchase. I remember purchasing the first box set of the X-Files on VHS. I think each collection had a total of 12 select episodes since the full season would have required too many tapes.
I have since updated all my VHS movies to DVDs. When the HD/Blu-ray battle ensued, I purchased my first Divx player and discs. Uh, yeah, anyone remember Divx? The idea was you purchase the disc for a few dollars and then paid a few dollars every time you watched it. Bad idea. I promptly returned my Divx player, and I went all-in on Blu-ray.
Collect Them All
As of right now, I own about 394 movies and 102 seasons of TV split pretty equally between DVD and Blu-ray. I may actually own a movie or two for which I have no disc, but that’s generally frowned upon (that would be me, frowning upon myself.) If I don’t have the disc sitting on my shelf, I don’t feel like I “own” it.
Part of my movie obsession is that I usually purchase all the movies of a franchise. Yes, I know Alien Resurrection or Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull aren’t great movies, but they are part of great stories. I don’t have to love every chapter to still want to watch it over and over again.
But despite my “collect them all” mentality, there are some movie sequels that I just cannot bring myself to spend money on, despite owning the original. Or worse, I bought them and found the movies to be so unworthy of my collection that I promptly banished them from my shelf.
If only there were a way to banish them from my memory. Or even better, maybe we can erase them from the timeline.
Sequels I Just Can’t Stomach to Re-Watch
Blues Brothers 2000
The original Blues Brother is an absolute classic. Years later, they came out with the sequel. It was horrible. Yet as often happens, I don’t trust my memory and watched it again. Mistake. It’s that bad. I can’t remember anything about it, but I have it ingrained in my memory that this movie is a desecration of the original, so I avoid it at all costs.
The ONLY reason to own Cars 2 is because they made Cars 3, which was relatively on par with the original. I’m not quite sure what they were thinking with Cars 2, other than cha-ching. It’s a barely watchable movie that puts its focus on the wrong character.
Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd
It’s not easy to earn a 3.4 rating on IMDb, but D&D:WHML managed to pull it off. This is one prequel to avoid, even if you liked Dumb and Dumber To, the recent sequel with the original actors.
This is the one that pains me the most. I continue to believe that Ghostbusters is one of the few truly perfect movies ever made, and then they went and crapped on it with G2. I’ve actually owned this movie TWICE, and both times I couldn’t bear to let it desecrate my movie collection. So sad. I enjoyed the all-female Ghostbusters, though it doesn’t measure up to the original in any way. Which leads me to having high hopes for Ghostbusters: Afterlife. Let’s hope they can recapture the magic of the original.
The first two Halloween movies are classic slasher flicks. H3 goes off into left field, and when the series came back for H4 through whatever they are on now, they were just clunkers. The newer ones are fun to watch, but once is enough.
As campy as it is, I love the first Highlander. I even enjoyed watching one of the many TV shows for a while. But with camp, I have to draw the line somewhere, and Highlander 2+ were it. I just couldn’t make the journey there. But you got to hand it to them for dragging out a one-chapter story that far.
The Jesus Rolls
Don’t recognize that title? Yeah, I don’t blame you. It’s the not-quite-sequel to The Big Lebowski. And to be perfectly honest, I’ve never seen it. But the reviews on IMDb have pretty much ensured that I won’t. No need to soil such a great original movie with something so ill-conceived.
Karate Kid 3
The Karate Kid and KK2 are both old-school classics. KK3 is, well, I don’t know that it is. I don’t think that needed to be made. Even the Karate Kid remake a few years back was more watchable than KK3, though not great. I hear great things about the Kobra Kai show, which is on my TBW list.
Matrix 2, 3
Okay, so I do actually own all three Matrix movies, but let’s be honest, the sequels aren’t nearly as good as the original. The magic was gone, and no amount of CGI would save them. Or maybe that was the problem, way too much CGI. I’m honestly not looking forward to Matrix 4.
A Nightmare on Elm Street 2+
The first Nightmare on Elm Street is an absolute horror classic. After that, they get worse and worse.
Poltergeist is yet another classic horror movie. One of the few terrifying movies in existence. But after the first one, well, the rest were stories that just didn’t need to be told.
The Ring 2
The Ring is another terrifying movie that creeps me to the bone. I love it. The Ring 2, not so much. I’ve tried more than once to enjoy it, but I just can’t get with it. Another sequel I will never own.
There are a lot of lackluster sequels in the world. Many of which I’m willing to watch repeatedly right along with the originals. But some movies are just so bad they should be banished right long with the E.T. Atari video game or the Star Wars Christmas Special. The world was right to erase those from history. It’s time to do the same with the movies above.
Okay, your turn. What movie sequels do you find unwatchable?