I’ve tried to catch Santa out for three years, and still I’ve had no success! Even with my best whisperer and hunter, Curly Whiskers, we’ve failed. I know what you’re thinking – why would a cat be trying to catch Santa Claus?
The thing is, the tuna in the Neighbourhood is that this Santa has a friend that’s a giant rabbit, who hops around at Easter. It’s not like we want to ruin Christmas.
I admit, the first year, our plan was that I was going to sleep on the sofa, and when Santa was placing the present under the tree, I was going to sneak into the sack. Then, when he returned home, I was going to sneak out, hide for a few hours, then reveal myself. I always managed to ditch the collars, so Santa wouldn’t have a clue where I came from, and then I’d get to stay until his rabbit friend popped around for afternoon tea.
The plan would have worked if I hadn’t seen the wire trailing across the floor for the Christmas lights. I thought it was string, so I pounced on it. To add dog food to my bowl, I had a snag claw from a land fight, and I sliced the wire in two. That meant I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the living room, in case I damaged anything else. It wasn’t that bad though I suppose, because I got to sleep upstairs on the big bed as it was Christmas. It is my favourite place to sleep if I’m allowed. Curly face pawed when I told him.
“Come on,” he said, “a kitten would’ve fallen for that.”
He was right. I should’ve known better.
The second year I resisted attacking the Christmas lights’ wire and climbing the Christmas tree. I didn’t want the Duchess and the Male One to get suspicious, so I made sure that I wasn’t too good. I batted the baubles at the bottom of the tree, just to be safe, but then one of them had a bell inside, and it sounded just like my black and white ball. I got a bit excited, I knocked a few off baubles off the bottom row, and before I knew it the tree started to tip. The Male One was furious.
“I can’t believe that you’ve done that Oscar, outside you go.”
I had to spend an hour outside whilst the Male One put the tree back up, and it was raining. I foiled my own plan; I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the living room then, in case I knocked the tree over. I was sent to the dining room. I had to sit and watch as Santa placed the presents under the tree. To add dog food to my bowl, Santa heard me, turned around, chuckled, and gave me a little wave through the glass in the door. I was livid, until Christmas morning when I opened my present. His little note said:
‘You were on my naughty list, but I checked the footage, and I accept it was an accident.’
In fairness to Santa, my scratching post was brilliant, as were the duck treats, and I received a turkey leg, so I couldn’t stay angry. I was far too full.
I expected Curly to be angry again, but he wasn’t.
“Now we know that he definitely exists, our plan is perfect,” he said.
Last year, I was really well behaved. I made sure that I didn’t pounce on any wires, and I stayed away from the Christmas tree just in case. It was all going really well. I was becoming smug with myself, because finally I was going to sleep in the living room. I prepared myself, making sure that I got extra sleep, so that I woke up just at the right moment. It should’ve gone to plan, but it didn’t, because the of the Male One.
One of the presents that the Male One had bought for the Duchess had arrived late, so he didn’t have the time to send it off to the North Pole. I cursed that he wanted to see the present first, and had it delivered to our address. It arrived on Christmas Eve. Well, the Male One said nothing. When it arrived, he sneaked it upstairs to see if he there was any wrapping paper, but there wasn’t, so he had to go and buy some, whilst the Duchess and the Little Lady were visiting family and friends to give them presents. I was sleeping, getting my extra naps before Santa arrived, and the Male One propped the roll of wrapping paper against the sofa. I woke up with an almighty thud to the head, not knowing what had hit me, and mid-dream, I jumped across the room, landing on the present. The tape got stuck to my tail, which the Male One never saw, so I chased it around trying to get it off. As I did, I tore the paper from the present. I stood on the paper, which lifted the tape and I batted it away before it could get stuck again.
“Outside Oscar,” he scolded. It wasn’t even my fault.
“I don’t think I’ll be allowed to sleep in the living room,” I admitted to Curly, and I was right.
As I’d torn all the paper, the Male One decided to give the Duchess her extra present, unwrapped. He told her his version of events, and so I was carried out of the living room once again.
I’ve waited 365 days for Santa, so this year I’m going to make sure that I get to sleep in the living room!
S Eden is a first-time author and a first-time guest blogger. Her book Inspector White Tip – A Watcher’s Mistake is available to order from Amazon. Although she writes for YA, she believes that you will like this book if you are a cat lover, especially if you have a cat yourself. Follower her on Twitter @seden_author or visit her website: inspectorwhitetip.com